He said they were just playing the girl. those bastards don't care if she gets hurt. she's innocent. she doesn't know anything. He's afraid of his friends who told him to do it. When he tells her the truth, all their accounts would be deleted. he said he can't tell her. he'll lose everything dear to him. They're all cowards. How can I feel safe with someone like that?

Keep it up Chirs and you'll end up losing me entrirely.

Jan 3, 2007 - I found out my boyfriend has another girlfriend.. Yeah. it pissed me off. He changed his name at friendster so I tried searching yahoo for it to know ehat it meant. I wanted to get closer to him because we weren't how we used to be. I wanted to know the stuff he liked, namely RF. That part of his world, I guess I have no place in. Mainly becuase I don't know how to play it. This is the least I can doto understand what he loves doing. But what I found out did not make me understand him more. I got more confused. I know it was his because the picture of a cartoon there was his. It was also his picture in YM and he told me it was HIM in RF. There in his personal profile was "Alongside my princess as she rests in my arms." He used to call me princess. Then someone was greeting him "Happy christmas, babe." exactly how I greeted him at christmas. Who IS this girl? I clicked her name and saw a picture of the two of them. He was wearing the same shirt he wore when we went to a party at my friend's house: Dec 22. I saw there comments from his other account (his character's name) There was happy monthsary babe! I love you so much! and mwahs! at November. There was another at Decmeber. I felt a spark in my head like I suddenly hang and I needed ro reset my brain. I was trying to understand what I read. I clicked his other account and it was full of the girl's comments how she loves him so much and about the monthsaries and everything else. There was no doubt. This girl must be his girlfriend. I was so stupid. But because I love him, I gave him the benefit of the doubt. I wanted him to explain. I wanted to hear his side. He always told me I made him like this everytime I tell him I don't like what he's becoming. Of course I didn't ask him I'mmediately,

"Do you have another girlfriend?" or "Are you two-timing me?"

I asked slowly. I messaged him through YM and said,

"mahal mo ba ako?" and he replied, "OMG, seryoso ka ba?"

usually I'd say, "ehhh, just answer me please.." with my pacute voice. But I firmly said, "OO." what he replied was just "OK." I asked again, "Ano?" and he replied yes. I aske him a lot of things like, "totoo ba yan, ako LANG ba" and he said yes in both. I wanted to make sure. All I can say was "sana nga." I can't believe he didn't feel a single thing that there was something wrong. He even replied, "edi wag kung ayaw mo maniwala". It hurt me to hear him like he doesn't care. I couldn't help myself so I messaged him again. This is how the conversation occured.

Me: alam mo, ayokong tuluyang mawala tiwala ko sa'yo..

Him: ano ginawa ko at mawawala tiwala mo sakin (LOL)

Me: ewan ko sa'yo. ano nga ba?

Him: ewan ko sa'yo. paranoid ka.

Me:maybe it's ok to be paranoid sometimes kaysa magmukhang tanga

Him: ano ba pinagsasasabi mo? LOL. ok ka lang?

Me: hindi

Him: ano problema mo?

Me: pwede ba kita makausap mamaya?

Him: pwede ngayon.

Actually, I didn't want to talk to him then 'cause he was out. It was kind of distracting to talk to him when there are a lot of noise around. I don't know if he was out with his friends.

Him: ngayon na. ano problema?

Me: hindi ko alam. naguguluhan ako

Him: e ano pinagsasasabi mo?

Then I called him. He was in fact at the computer shop like he used to everyday. I explained to him what I found out. I was already crying out of hurt, confusion and disappointment.. and maybe the thought that he might actually be lying to me and cheating on me after everything he told me.. and after almost two years of being together. He told me he knew the girl. He said she was his friend's girlfriend. They knew his password so they could enter his account anytime. For me, why won't he use his OWN account? and why would the girl give every comment on my boyfriend's account. and why would she have a picture with my boyfriend and not hers. He said, "obviously, they used my account without telling me" he said he never read the comments. My god! the first one was november! What month is it now? It's January! he must've read at least one of the many messages the girl sent him. and the girl had comments on BOTH his accounts. When we dropped the phone, he said he was going to talk to his friends about it. He was even laughing about the topic while I was CRYING! How dare he! and how dare he tell me he cares about me when he can't even discuss this situation with me properly?! He still kept saying I love you and stuff. all I could say was "k". I was not in the mood to tell him I love him. and he reacted by saying,

"ganyan mo ako kakausapin pag tapos kita kausapin ng mabuti?"

HA! kinausap pala ng mabuti ah! But then he never called. He slept thoughout the whole night until 4:30pm the following day. While I NEVER slept. I waited fo him to contact me but nothing came. I wanted answers. I wanted the truth. Whatever he says, I was already hurting so bad.

I contacted the girl instead. I don't know if she knew about eveything. I thought about what to ask her for a hour. Afraid that she might get mad at me. I tried to ask as nice as possible. We both were played. I guess she'd understand. So I asked. She was nice enough to reply nicely as well. I got the confirmation that he is her boyfriend. I thanked her and didn't say any more. I didn't want to shock her. She deserves to know the truth. But I don't want it to come from me. She might think I'm destroying her relationship with him. I left and adviced her to take care of herself and gave her my number. I got so frustrated with him that I poured all my anger at my friendster account. I deleted al my pictues with him, I started deleting all my testimonials for him but I got tired of looking for everything else so I just messaged him to please delete everything. If he does, I would know that he doesn't love me anymore. I told him we're though. I also told his mom about what happened. 4:30 came. I left him message at YM saying, "sana masaya ka.. nakaganti ka na sa'kin.. be happy..." I thought he was coward enough to face me because I asked him last night and he just laughed about it.. worse.. he LIED.

Then he started explaining. His stories were all so lame and yet I wanted to believe him. HE and his FRIENDS are all bullshit! I never liked his friends. Though there was one time I thought maybe someday I'd want to meet them. After all, for all the time I wasn't beside him, they were there. Now, all I think is that they're teaching him to be a bad person. He has become worse. I HATE his friends so much that if I ever I see them, I wouldn't know what to say to them. I'd probably just say bad stuff and leave, warning them that if they show their faces to me again, I'll break their noses. He used to have nice friends when he studied at our school. Now he doesn't even want to go there. When I asked him why he didn't want to go to my place anymore, he said it's too far. Well, he didn't mind before. I even joked that "Sorry, ang layo kasi ng bahay ng girlfirend mo. Dapat nag-grilfriend ka na lang ng malapit sa inyo." Ha! Well, I guess now he does. And it's not me. How can I be so stupid?
Anyway, if what he told me are true, then it's not just me who's going to get hurt. I'm pretty sure the other girl would get hurt too. But right now, if you ask me whose side I'm gonna be on when the war begins, it's going to be on the girl's side. She dosn't know anything. I'm afraid what she would feel when she finds out. The boys are afraid of telling the truth. They're afraid to face their own miskates. Yes. They ARE boys, not men.. and I am very disappointed.

What do you think?! I don't believe it! I don't even know who those other people are.. And I was supposed to look like Natalie Portman even though my photo looked more like Bakekang! Hahahah!

Haven't been here for long. I just don't have time to do extracurricular stuff nowadays.. Besides, I don't even know what's going on around me. Do I have to bother what latest clothes and shoes are out?!

Damn, I really need to relax. But I can't Battery exam is coming this month and I have to pass that along with the interview and the psychology test something. My dad will get furious if I gat kicked out from that school. I don't want to get kicked-out!!!! And to think I never liked that school in the first place. The only thing that got me going are my new friends there. If they weren't there to help me out, I would've gone wild.. It's so ironic that I'm now  kicking my butt just to stay and wear that blue and white uniform everyone wants to wear..

It even bothers me that sometimes I want to quit and take a course I would really love. Not that I don't love nursing. It's just that I also want to take a course close to my talent.. and it's singing... I want to perform on stage, hear everyone's applause and get rich! haha.. well, that'll depend if you're really good at it.

Reality check! That's not gonna give everything I want. I used to think Broadway was my calling. But then, it's hard to go look for a career not here where I belong. And Medicine would be a stable career for me.. My parents would be so proud of me..

Sigh, relatives are coming tonight so I gotta go. Just dropped by to.. uh, I dunno, I just miss writing things that aren't for school.. hehe.. Ciao!

Wipee! I'm gonna see my HS friends tomorrow! It's Kik's18th birthday celeb! Haven't seen them since SHana's Bday.. Hindi pa kumpleto. Sana ngayon pwede na.. hehehe! Also, my guy best friend (Chris) and I are going to buy Tamagochi at Gateway  tomorrow! Hahaha! Nauso yun nung grade four or five ako eh... tapos nawla na. Eh, I want to feel young again.. Not that I'm not! I'm just 18 who looks like 14... hehe... Katingkati na akong kumanta! Haha! After the party, my loving cousin is going to take me home if none of my friends will...

What else?

Oh yeah, please pray for me. I need to pass ANATOMY & PHYSIOLOGY! I mean, I get the lesson but I can't seem to make it stay on my long-term memory. I do hope my brain cells aren't below normal. haha!

'Till next time! Can't think of anything to write!

darn that stupid, immature dimwit!

At least by now, my anger has lessened. But I still hate him! I mean, where have you seen a 22 year old guy act so immature and uncivilized? Here I am, talking to him as normal as I could even though I was raging mad and he became all sarcastic again! The usual him! I've been telling myself not to mind him but I realized I've been doing that for the past six months! A person who'd ask a favor and get mad if you don't give it to him! How dare he?! He was the one asking a favor and just because I can't he'd get all sarcastic on me? And I haven't met anyone who likes to be the center of attraction all the time. Not that anyone would get attracted to him. Every time we talk along with our other friends, all he ever talks about is himself and his problems.. HELLO?! There are other people out there who have more problems than you! Stop being so self-centered!!! I guess he hasn't realized yet that a lot of people are actually mad at him right now. They just didn't want to show it 'cause they're scared of him and they don't want to start a fight.

 

Hey, it's not like I'm a war freak or whatever (though sometimes I am), but he started it! He wants war? Sure, I'll give him war! I hope he notices that almost all his friends are walking away from him and telling everyone he's such an asshole behind his back... I know that's bad. But as I told you, they're scared of him… And I'm not anymore! Know one reason why everyone hates him now? It's because he's been telling everyone lies about people. For example, who in their right mind, would tell everyone that you've had sex with this person when apparently you haven't? And if it did happen, don't you have the respect for the girl to keep it a secret? I mean, GO TO HELL! But to tell you the truth, my friends and I have asked these girls and they told us it wasn't true. There was never even a fling. And when they asked you, HA! You twisted what you said. Good thing someone with you wasn't too brave to say that "Yes you did! You told us that you had a fling before!" I believe them. You know why? Because we all realized that according to you, you've had relationships with these girls who I've noticed, are the pretty girls on campus and because I don't believe anything that you say anymore since you told everyone that we had a fling, a connection or a mutual understanding. FUCK! Well, for everyone's information, we didn't and I've told him from the start that he was just a friend to me (not anymore). Why couldn't he accept that? I'm sorry but you can't get all the girls you want. Get used to being dumped! And why did you keep forcing me to say "I love you" to you (as a friend) when you're telling everyone that I do MORE than a friend! You CRAP!!! You're nothing but a filthy LIAR!!! And stop getting all jealous on my guy friends. You're not my boyfriend. Before, I was so afraid of being with them when you're around 'cause you said you get hurt every time I'm with someone else, but now I realized, why should I care? It's not my problem if you get jealous, right? Your stories are so unbelievable to be true. When you were telling us your stories, I kept thinking if it was true. I believed you then because you were my friend, but now it came to me that your stories were like scenes that were ripped out from the television screen. That couldn't possibly happen to you. Like the one you told me that you know WITCHCRAFT? HAHAHAHAHA!!!! I mean, I believe in magic but I don't believe that you can actually do it. It's just plainly impossible! Even if you knew, why would you tell me? So I'd get impressed? I was so turned-off!

 

Stop living in fantasy and show everyone who you really are! Stop pretending! Stop twisting other people's words!  And stop being so immature! You say you're mature 'cause of all the experiences that you've had? Well, wake up! YOU'RE NOT! Just because I clarified everything and told everyone that we never had a thing, you'd start calling me a bitch just to get your ex-girlfriend (who don't love you anymore) back? Well, knock-knock! We're friends right now, and she told me that she doesn't want you back since you're the one who broke up with her! Are you making her your re-bound? You're so full of shit! Another thing, you're trying to brainwash other people to think that I'm the badgirl! Well, they may be on your side right now, but when they realize that you did nothing but tell fibs and lies, they're just gonna walk away from you like what your other friends did… Then you'll end up with nothing… you'll be all alone if you don't change. Ever wonder why you don't have your on barkada? Because no one can stand you! No one wants to stick with you. Open your eyes! Don't be fooled by the people who are friendly to you. They may be one of the persons who'd be glad to see you go.

 

There are a lot of things I'd like to write, but I'm getting all steamed-up again.., I don't want to worry about the crap you're doing… Just GET THE HELL OUT OF MY LIFE AND STAY THERE!!!!